Thanksgiving 2011

I love Thanksgiving, but it is bittersweet since most of my loved ones have passed on. Every since I moved out on my own 20 years ago, I’ve been cooking and hosting Thanksgiving. I still cook a GIGANTIC meal but it’s only for 3 people and we end up eating it for 3 or more days. As I spent the day in the kitchen cooking up a storm yesterday, I began wondering, “Why do I do all of this for just us?” I had CMT on the television in the background and they were showing the Top Family Videos and in those songs and videos I found my answer.

Turns out I'm pretty dang lucky For all that good advice Those hard to find words of wisdom Holed up here in my mind And just when I've lost my way Or I got too many choices I hear voices

The whole time I’m cooking, it’s like they are there telling me what to do and how to do it. I could feel their presence so strongly in the kitchen yesterday. If they were still alive, they would be sitting around the kitchen table asking if I needed any help or telling me to do it this way or that way. Then I heard this:

You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast These are some good times So take a good look around You may not know it now But you're gonna miss this

Ean is about to turn 18 and that time has just flown by. I realize that he is much like I was at that age, mostly focused on himself and his dreams, so I do all I can to make happy memories and moments for him to remember.

If I would have known 10 years ago they would all be gone now, I would have treasured every moment, every aggravation because oh, how I miss them! It seems like my time with them just flew by and I feel like a completely different person without them. Not that it’s a bad thing, I guess you have to change to be able to handle life on your own. But sometimes I wonder if they would approve of the person I’ve become. And then I hear:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger May you never take one single breath for granted God forbid love ever leave you empty handed I hope you still feel small When you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me that you'll give fate a fighting chance and then I hear this: Life’s not the breaths you take The breathing in and out That gets you through the day Ain’t what it’s all about Ya just might miss the point Try’n to win the race Life’s not the breaths you take But the moments that take your breath away I work hard to take the time to stop and enjoy the moments with my two guys and try to make as many GOOD memories as possible for their sake and mine. We’re not going to be together forever and I want whomever is left behind to have all of these good memories to hold on to. The way I live my life now with my photography and running, helps me clear my mind and focus on the little miracles of this world. They were with me yesterday at the farm in the kitchen, and I believe they are with me always.